As a young woman growing up in a conservative Christian church, in a conservative small town, it was easy to be convinced that I was "called" to be a stay at home wife and mother. I based most of my life's decisions on whether or not this or that would make me a good wife and mother. I pushed aside my dream of being a chef with a degree from the most prestigious culinary school because the lifestyle of a career chef isn't "family friendly." These are things I was commended for, things that seemingly made me "more godly" things that, because of my surroundings, made me feel like I was more godly. Do I regret those decisions for even a second? Absolutely not. However, I wish someone told me it was "ok" to strive for career greatness because it would have made the several years following high school a whole lot easier.
Right before it came time to decide what I was going to do following my high school graduation I let go of my nearly life long dream of becoming a chef, a decision that still to this day I do not regret but whole heartedly believe I made based on warped thinking, and decided to go to beauty school in a near by city. Choosing to go to beauty school was almost something I was embarrassed about, it seemed like a cop-out, like the easy way out of going to "real" college, but again, I was convinced that it was the best way to make me the greatest wife and mother because hairstylists make their own hours, they work as they please and they can go years (say, oh I don't know, birth to preschool-ish years) with out working and pick it right back up, and because I was good at it. Along with going over the logistics of my decision, I also felt like this decision made me more godly then the rest. More godly then my friends choosing a career over becoming the perfect Christian woman, more godly then those who didn't think as far down the line as I did, who didn't consider how they were going to manage their career and their non-existent family. Clearly that wasn't the case.
It took me a while to realize how much I truly loved doing hair, how making someone feel beautiful even if just for a day was one of the greatest blessings in my life, and even still I was on the journey of a work for now, stay at home later woman. I never did much to further my career, in fact when my now husband decided to join the military I didn't even think twice about leaving behind a very substantial clientele, because that was it, the moment I had been waiting for, my time had finally come to be the perfect wife and hopefully soon after, the perfect mother!
Upon finishing his basic training and tech school, my husband and I moved to Texas, I quickly unpacked our apartment, decorated, got up at 5am every morning to make him breakfast, packed his lunch, and had dinner waiting for him when he got home. I was doing everything I was suppose to be doing and it felt great...for about two weeks.
Suddenly I found myself twiddling my thumbs, sitting around watching tv all day, aimlessly walking around stores just to get out of the house. I felt like I had failed, like I was doing something wrong because, after all, I was "called" to be a stay at home wife and mother, I was certain of it! I started to rationalize things in my head and came to the conclusion that I would find a simple job for now and obviously quit as soon as we had our first child. And that's exactly what I did. I got a job in beauty retail and eventually, working a few nights a week at a salon. I worked all through my first pregnancy and quit shortly before having our first baby. I should have known things weren't going my perfect Christian story book rout by how crazy I was going from not working just the two weeks prior to delivery, but I told myself when the baby gets here I will be just fine. Boy was I wrong.
Suddenly I found myself twiddling my thumbs, sitting around watching tv all day, aimlessly walking around stores just to get out of the house. I felt like I had failed, like I was doing something wrong because, after all, I was "called" to be a stay at home wife and mother, I was certain of it! I started to rationalize things in my head and came to the conclusion that I would find a simple job for now and obviously quit as soon as we had our first child. And that's exactly what I did. I got a job in beauty retail and eventually, working a few nights a week at a salon. I worked all through my first pregnancy and quit shortly before having our first baby. I should have known things weren't going my perfect Christian story book rout by how crazy I was going from not working just the two weeks prior to delivery, but I told myself when the baby gets here I will be just fine. Boy was I wrong.
Due to having preeclampsia I ended up delivering our first daughter via c section which of course meant longer recovery time. I thought I was going to die of boredom after one week. Literally. I went to Target by myself just one week post major abdominal surgery just to have something to do on my own (definitely not recommended..... Or maybe the doctor flat out said don't go anywhere alone for at least two weeks. Either way.). By the time my 6 week post partum check rolled around I was losing my mind. New born babies are boring! At least mine was anyway, she ate, dirtied diapers and slept. I felt like a failure, I was actually missing work, a job I didn't really like mind you. I wanted to be at work even though I had my baby at home. What kind of person am I. This tormented me for weeks leading up to my 6 weeks PP check and a couple weeks after and so again I rationalized in my head, if I get a job where I can take my baby with me, then I'm still being a good Christian mom. So I did, I found an amazing job at an amazing church which allowed me to bring my sweet little girl with me and on my off days I started doing hair for friends in our home. I was happy with this for a good while, my baby went to work with me and my work came to my house where my baby was. Winning all around.
Shortly after having our first child (6 months to be exact) I was pregnant with our second daughter and again I continued to work throughout the pregnancy both at the daycare and from home, it was then that I realized still, I wasn't fully satisfied. I was doing everything that I sculpted my life to be. I was super mom. I was working two jobs essentially and yet my baby was with me 24/7, I felt like a monster for having thoughts that this still wasn't enough. Like the previous times of what I thought to be compromise before, I prayed for the Lords guidance, for him to show me where to go next.
Shortly after having our first child (6 months to be exact) I was pregnant with our second daughter and again I continued to work throughout the pregnancy both at the daycare and from home, it was then that I realized still, I wasn't fully satisfied. I was doing everything that I sculpted my life to be. I was super mom. I was working two jobs essentially and yet my baby was with me 24/7, I felt like a monster for having thoughts that this still wasn't enough. Like the previous times of what I thought to be compromise before, I prayed for the Lords guidance, for him to show me where to go next.
I did my last client two days before delivering our second daughter and when I finished my husband told me "Babe, I think your clientele has out grown our house, you either need to cut back or go to work." And there it was. My wonderful husband who dated and married a women determined to be a stay at home wife and mom, pointing out what I already knew to be true. My desire to work never went away, my love for doing hair never dwindled but only grew stronger, so much so that I unintentionally built a full time clientele out of my teenie tiny little house with no professional salon equipment, while working a second job, raising a baby and being pregnant with our next. It was clear where my determination stood. I was not determined to be a stay at home mom. I was determined to do what I was called to do. To work. To love my babies, to love my husband, to manage our household, to take care of our finances, to do all the things of the coveted "Proverbs 31 Woman" and ultimately, to do it all while working.
You see, the proverbs 31 woman was not a stay at home mother. She worked, and she worked hard! She worked all while still being a mom and a wife. It took me nearly seven years to realize that I could have it all, I had my babies, I had my husband and I had a career all the while still loving the Lord and serving him just as much as I ever had.
I truly believe I was never called to be a stay at home wife and mother but rather convinced, convinced by my surroundings, by my encounters, by the things I was taught, and opinions pushed upon my life. Do I think I was convinced in some sort of brainwashing, Westburough sort of Christian mind control way, absolutely not. I was convinced out of love and true desire from what the influential people around me saw of my life, and for that I am forever greatful because there are few people in this world who have had the amount of kind loving people in their life that I have had, but while I am thankful I still wish I had known then, as a seventeen year old girl walking into a career field that would eventually take me to being a hair stylist in a high-end Bumble and Bumble salon in Europe, that it was ok to love it, it was ok to find true joy in it and and ultimately it was ok to accept my true calling as a hairstylist, as a working wife and as a mother.
I hope that by writing this all the young Christian ladies that I know, or even the older ones, can see that we are all called to be our own person in Christ. We were made in His image, not in the image of the perfect Christian Stepford Wife. He calls us all individually and each of those callings are equally important. Being a stay at home mother is nothing short of amazing, I honestly don't know how SAHMs do it day in and day out, my hat goes off to each and every one of you with the highest level of respect! But at the same time, being a working mom, or even a working Christian woman who does not have children is equally amazing. So to the young Christian girl with career goals and desire to achieve greatness in your career field, work on girl, and do so with out any regret or hesitation because only you can know for certain where the Lord is calling you.
You see, the proverbs 31 woman was not a stay at home mother. She worked, and she worked hard! She worked all while still being a mom and a wife. It took me nearly seven years to realize that I could have it all, I had my babies, I had my husband and I had a career all the while still loving the Lord and serving him just as much as I ever had.
I truly believe I was never called to be a stay at home wife and mother but rather convinced, convinced by my surroundings, by my encounters, by the things I was taught, and opinions pushed upon my life. Do I think I was convinced in some sort of brainwashing, Westburough sort of Christian mind control way, absolutely not. I was convinced out of love and true desire from what the influential people around me saw of my life, and for that I am forever greatful because there are few people in this world who have had the amount of kind loving people in their life that I have had, but while I am thankful I still wish I had known then, as a seventeen year old girl walking into a career field that would eventually take me to being a hair stylist in a high-end Bumble and Bumble salon in Europe, that it was ok to love it, it was ok to find true joy in it and and ultimately it was ok to accept my true calling as a hairstylist, as a working wife and as a mother.
I hope that by writing this all the young Christian ladies that I know, or even the older ones, can see that we are all called to be our own person in Christ. We were made in His image, not in the image of the perfect Christian Stepford Wife. He calls us all individually and each of those callings are equally important. Being a stay at home mother is nothing short of amazing, I honestly don't know how SAHMs do it day in and day out, my hat goes off to each and every one of you with the highest level of respect! But at the same time, being a working mom, or even a working Christian woman who does not have children is equally amazing. So to the young Christian girl with career goals and desire to achieve greatness in your career field, work on girl, and do so with out any regret or hesitation because only you can know for certain where the Lord is calling you.
